50 Shades! The Musical Review...?

So... I know I said that I would not be reviewing Broadway shows again because of personal grievances and all that bunk, but seriously... how could I not review this? I mean, it's 50 Shades! The Musical. It's a musical about 50 Shades of Grey, a book that's essentially hardcore BDSM mommy porn. The book itself has a reputation for being a punchline and a joke, so why, oh why, did they make it into a musical? What possessed people to think "Hey, let's turn 50 Shades of Grey into a musical! Won't that be great???" This is my account with this musical. This... thing.