Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping Review

A genius movie for geniuses like us.


Sometimes, you want to see some action. Sometimes, you want to laugh.  Sometimes, you want to say "Yes, the Mona Lisa is a piece of shit." Sometimes, you want to see a documentary about the greatest artist of our generation. Sometimes, you get what you want.

You know what, screw reviewing this movie. We all know it's great. You should go see this right now. We all know that this is probably one of the best movies of the year because of how seriously it takes itself, how Andy Samberg just works as Conner4Real, and that it has just enough smart satire mixed with bizarre and outright stupid jokes to appeal to anyone, but I think y'all should just take a knee and read the lyrics to one of the best songs not only from this rocking musical documentary, but from one of the best songs The Lonely Island has ever made period.

Straight up, this is "Equal Rights", from Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping.

Discrimination

It ain't right

I'm not gay, but if I was, I would want equal rights

I'm not gay, but if I were, I would marry who I like

It's not fair - I'm not gay - that the government has a say

In who can love who (not gay)

Or to which god you can pray (I'm n'gay)

It gets me so angry, on behalf of them, I feel passionate (not gay)

So I'll pray for them and I say for them, "We need to make a change" (not gay)

I see it clear as day

This area is not great, titties

We need equality and for all to see that this is the new way (not gay)

It just seems (not gay) wrong (not gay)

That no one seems to care (sports)

We can't continue to pretend

This (not gay) madness has to end (not gay)

I was born this way (Straight)

You were born your way (Gay)

Gay or straight, straight or gay, it's all okay (Sure)

It's time to make a change (Yes)

It's time to stop the hate (Uh)

Cause who you are is beautiful (Not gay)

We can't live this way (n'gay)

We can't turn away (n'gay)

So I make this vow (titties)

The time for change is now (sports)

Lying in bed next to ten beautiful girls (all straight)

And while I made love to every one of them

I was thinking about the world (hot wings)

How is it that I can have so much straight sex while two dudes are oppressed (not gay)

For having sex (not gay)

Or putting on a wedding dress (I assume)

I don't really know that much about it (beef jerky tastes good)

Politics are important

And if girls wanna have sex with me cause I said this, so be it (not gay)

I'm not a hero, I'm just speaking the truth

I'm not a hero. Don't call me a hero

(Beer, hoagie, sweat pants, not gay)

Yeah, Not a hero (titties, not gay)

I'm not a hero

(I'm just a person)

So don't call me a hero

(Not some kind of world leader)

I just want equal rights (Yeah)

And to sleep at night (Yeah)

Next to a girl

True love trumps all (predator)

(Flying kicks, not gay, big watch)

(Not gay, missionary) One Love

(Gym socks, nunchuck and not gay)

(Lighter fluid, HD, Ninja) World peace

(4-wheel drive) Gay marriage (love beef)

Free love (golf clubs)

Two guys (not gay)

Rainbow (muff dive)

Harvey Milk/Sean Penn (not gay)

(Drum solo, courtside seats) Same sex

(One-armed push ups) Lynyrd Skynyrd

I'm not gay, I'm not gay

I'm not, not, not, not, n-n-n-not gay

I'm not gay

I was born this way (I'm straight)

You were born your way (You're gay)

Gay or straight, straight or gay, it's all okay

(And now it's time for sexual freedom for all)

It's time to make a change (Sexual freedom for all)

It's time to stop the hate (Sexual freedom for all)

Cause who you are is beautiful (Sexual freedom for all)

(Not gay)

Simply stunning. 

            

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