|Dishonorable Mention: The Conjuring|
|Number 10: 47 Ronin|
For an extended thoughts, read up on my review here.
|Number 9: Carrie|
For extended thoughts, read the original review here
|Number 8: Gangster Squad|
Can anyone say that they actually remember this movie? I may have harped on Carrie for being boring, but there's a key difference between these two boredoms. Carrie was boring because it took a nice concept and made it uninteresting. Gangster Squad was boring from the get go. I feel like there's not much I can say besides "It was a boring and bland movie that doesn't have anything going for it." I mean, what else is there really to say. Well besides let it be known that you can earn a spot on my worst list for making me fall asleep during the movie. Yes, it's that boring. Don't see it, and even if you do, you probably won't remember what happened in it anyway.
|Number 7: Movie 43|
|Number 6: Birdemic 2: The Resurrection|
For an extended thoughts, check out the original review here
|Number 5: Don Jon|
For more on this movie, read my review of it here
|Number 4: Iron Man 3|
|Number 3: Identity Thief|
|Number 2: My Little Pony: Equestria Girls|
First of all, yes, I did see this movie. I had to sit in the theatre and watch it. I won't try and shirk my way around it. I saw it in theatres, and I screamed in my car after I saw it. This might not be the worst movie of the year, but it filled me with so much unbridled rage that if you saw me immediately after the screening, I would be trying to find the nearest glue factory to send these ponies to. Oh me oh my, let me count the ways that this movie makes me gouge out my eyes. *Deep breath*. Even though the movie is barely 90 minutes long it feel like it's way too long, it has countless tropes of having the main character Twilight Sparkle interact with human technology so we have classic gimmicks like "DUUUURRRRRR HOW DO COMPUTER WORK?", the other ponies do come with Twilight into the human world, there just so happens to be exact human versions of them that just so happen to have the same personalities as them and just so happen to be great friends with Twilight after only a few minutes of talking to her. The human versions of each ponies are not friends because of a dumb misunderstand that no one ever thought to address, so the characters are idiots. The main villain is an absolute idiot with the most complicated and convoluted plan I've ever seen in my life that involves way to many chances and just her being a stupid bratty teenager. Oh, and did I forget to mention that this is a musical with 6 songs in it. Yes, this movie is a musical with 6 TERRIBLE AND CRINGE INDUCING LYRICS AND SAPPY FRIENDSHIP SHIT GOD THIS MOVIE SUCKS!!!
But you know what, I think the show is decent. yes I've seen the show, and while it's not out of the park, it's a solid kids show that is better then most other kids shows on the market. But when there's a movie that is this dumbed down and is a concentrated version of everything wrong with the show, then I can't help but point out all of the flaws with it. Oh but my dear readers, we have not even begun to reach the lowest depths of entertainment this year. Join me, won't you?
|Number 1: The Great Gatsby|
That's. Not. Gatsby. Luhrmann is dead set on having his focus be comparing the 1920's to hip hop and rap society and how these two time periods aren't so different. Yeah that's fine, but immediately when you center that argument around The Great Gatsby, your focus is pulled away from the point you were trying to make and is instead centered on a story that is legendary. Focus pulls when it needs to, and having a modern retelling of The Great Gatsby is always more precedent than comparing two cultural generations. But the movie tried to pull the wool over your eyes by still giving fast and frenetic visuals that are over the top in order to distract from the fact that this is a bad version of one of the best books of all time. Everyone is boiled down to basic tropes, the audience isn't left to draw their own conclusions because the movie forcibly tells you what to feel through the framing device of Nick Caraway's memoirs, which are always on the side of Gatsby, and what we're left with is the most insulting and offensive movie of the year. It made not be the worst made, but it missed the point of the original source material and instead just became the Baz Luhrmann show. It made me say that The Great Gatsby is the worst movie of 2013. That's how bad this movie is. Taking a great story and turning it into proverbial mush. The worst kind of movie; a movie that is intellectually offensive.
That was 2013's worst films. Next time, we'll talk about something better from 2013. I promise.