The Critical Order is a site that's an amalgamation of all sorts of reviews. You'll see video games, you'll see movies,comics, theatre, whatever that's new that I am able to see. Regardless, I respect all opinions, so please respect mine. If you have a suggestion for something to review, please post in the comments!
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Top 10 Worst Pokemon
I may have said how some Pokemon can have brilliant designs to them, but there are also a significant amount that just look plain awful, and I mean AWFUL. When creating this list, I had to whittle it down from a Top 20 list, and that's saying quite a lot. But why are there more Pokemon designs that I hate than I like? I think it mostly has to do with expectations. When you come across a Pokemon that looks cool or cute, it's meaningful and gives you that incentive of catching it. When you come across an awful Pokemon, you either feel forced to capture them out of pure spite to finish your Pokedex, or you feel that your team does not deserve to have these Pokemon on it. The Pokemon I chose for my list are the balance sheet Pokemon, the ones that you are forced to catch just to fill out your dex and never use them again. So without further adieu, here are my Top 10 Worst Pokemon as of right now.
First up we have Purugly, one of the most unpleasant Pokemon to look at. Most Pokemon in the 4th Gen were centered around the color purple, but while some Pokemon can pull off purple like Drifblim and Mismagius, Purugly is just.... ugly. Designed with a permanent scowl on its face, all that Purugly is is just a fat cat. A very fat cat. I know that some people think fat cats are cute, but not that two ton son of a bitch. He's just so unpleasant to look at and doesn't even have a good type combo. He's a cat that's Normal type. We already have a normal cat that's far superior named Delcatty, so this guy is just useless in that regard. He's just here to be the Grumpy Cat of Pokemon, and while Grumpy Cat is actually productive at making memes, Purugly is just here to be a lazy, fat cat that no one wants to catch. I feel bad for the person that catches a Glameow expecting a cool evolution, only to get a Purugly. For that person, we will have a moment of silence.
Continuing on the 4th Gen hate train, we have Bronzong, one of the toughest Pokemon in the entire series for all the wrong reasons. One way to easily piss me off and end up on this list is if I get sick of just running into the Pokemon. If I run into a Bronzong more than three times in a row in one area, we have a problem. Enter Mt. Coronet, a location late in Diamond and Pearl that has a plethora of Bronzongs. In the 5 floors leading up to the boss, Bronzongs are the most common Pokemon that you'll come across in the mountain, and they're tough! Because they're Psychic/Steel, the only weakness they have are Fire and Ground type moves, but because Bronzongs know Levitate, Ground moves are completely ineffective against them! So you need a Fire type Pokemon to beat them. Well good luck on that, because Gen 4 had a dearth of Fire Pokemon. The only pure Fire type Pokemon you can have up to this point are Chimchar and Ponyta, so unless you have them, you're gonna have a bad day. Even besides all of that, they have some insanely strong moves and defense, making them nearly impossible to kill easily. The only redeeming factor to these guys is that if you use one, you're gonna be pretty hard to beat, but when you fight against a Bronzong, you'll wish you never saw one to begin with. But you'll probably run into one a second later, so you won't have any time to complain.
Yes, Shuckle can deal 481 million points of damage to a Pokemon. Yes, if you come across a trainer who knows how to use him you're going to be pretty screwed. That doesn't excuse him looking stupid as all hell though! If you want to catch a Shuckle, you can only find one in Cianwood City in Gold/Silver/Crystal, and when you do catch him, you probably won't have any idea how to use him. In his original for in Gen 2, Shuckle was only for those insanely smart trainers who knew how to essentially break the rules to make Shuckle a powerhouse, but Shuckle still looks ridiculous. Being a Bug/Rock Pokemon is actually a cool type arrangement, but it's thrown out the window for a Pokemon that proves that defense is the best offense. It doesn't make a difference though since by the time you realize Shuckle's potential, an enemy would kill it in an instant. Shuckle is a monster under extreme circumstances, but in an every day Pokemon battle, he's just worthless.
Hands down, the WORST Fighting Pokemon in the series. The entire gimmick behind Tyrogue was that with proper training, he could become a Hitmontop, and Hitmonlee, or a Hitmonchan. In theory, I like that idea. I like Pokemon that have the ability to become multiple Pokemon based on a trainer's decisions, like with Eevee. The thing that makes Eevee better though is that Eevee can become its different forms through stones and frienship, stuff that a trainer has control over. Tyrogue though can evolve into its different forms based on its attack and defense stat, which are completely random. If attack is higher than defense, he'll become Hitmonchan. If his defense is higher than his attack, he's a Hitmonlee. If they're even, Hitmontop. It takes so much effort, and usually money, to get his stats just right for evolution, almost to the point where you would be spending tens of thousands of Pokedollars on items to raise his attack and defense. There's so much effort into making Tryogue evolve that, when all's said and done, it's much simpler to get a Machop and let it evolve. Tyrogue took a cool concept and just drove it into the ground.
Gen 3 had some terrible fossil Pokemon. There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Lileep and Anorith were just plain weak, not very strong, and were complete disappointments in comparison to Omanyte and Kabuto. However, while Anorith eventualy becomes Armaldo, a badass Pokemon that completely redeems its pre evolution, Lileep becomes Cradily... so not so much. Lileep loses the worst fossil Pokemon contest hands down. Being a Grass/Rock Pokemon, it has a unique type combination. The problem is that its grass types moves are essentially non existent, and even when it does learn a Grass moves, its special attack stat is usually so weak that it hardly makes a difference. Seriously, fossil Pokemon are usually a treat, a free Rock Pokemon that looks like a badass. Lileep is not a badass and is actually quite disappointing, so there goes that idea.
Let it never be said that the 1st Gen didn't have terrible Pokemon. Case in point, Venonat! Venonat is a Pokemon that just seems useless in the grand scheme of the game. A Poison/Bug Pokemon, Venonat is actually a Pokemon the player would encounter in the middle of the game, usually even towards the end of it as well. The thing is though, by the point you reach the Safari Zone where you can capture him, why would you do it? Bug and Poison Pokemon were the weakest Pokemon in 1st Gen and were downright useless by the end of the game. They were weak to almost everything the later gym leaders and the Elite Four dished out, so why would anyone want to use them? Venonat in particular has a bad type combo, but also isn't that strong to begin with. His stats are nothing to write home about, and the one thing that made him useful was that he could learn Psychic moves to be effective against Psychic Pokemon. He's poison though, so throw that idea out the train. Venonat just exists in this weird zone of uselessness and pity. He could have been good, but sadly he wasn't.
Mawile just confuses me on every level. So, he starts out as a Steel type Pokemon is the 3rd Gen. Fine. He doesn't evolve though, he just stays as Mawile. Okay, that's fine. Oh wait, he's not really a powerhouse or anything though. I mean, he's okay, but my Aron is doing a great job at being my Steel Pokemon. Fast forward to 10 years later in 2013. Mawile has a Mega Evolution! Oh, that's neat. Wait, why Mawile? He wasn't anything spectacular back in Ruby and Saphire, so why make him into a Mega Pokemon? And wait, he's a Fairy Type to? Well, that's just weird. Mawile looks like a Fairy? I mean, Jigglypuff and even Snubble I can get, but Mawile? And what the hell is that Mega Evolution anyway? He grew an extra mouth? How the hell do you even do that? That shouldn't be physically possible! How did this get through the design stage??? We could have gotten a Mega Pokemon that looks so much cooler than Mega Mawile, but noooooooooo, we had to get this little freak. And that's why Mawile is number 4. What the hell IS a Mawile?
I hate Patrat more than any other Pokemon on this list! Yeah I know he;s just number 3, but he fulfills all of the qualifications for my list. He's annoying, I run into him all the time, he's useless in combat, and he's just an ugly designed Pokemon. In the 5th Gen, you run into Patrats all the time, and I mean ALL the time. Gym leaders have him, Team Plasma have him, trainers have him, and he's everywhere in the grass in the beginning of the game. He's just so frustrating it's not even funny. Now if he was tough that'd be one thing, but no, he's pathetically weak! He's the goomba of the Pokemon world, and that's a disservice to Goombas! Patrat has nothing redeemable about him except for the fact that you probably owned a Patrat early in the game and he may have gotten you through a tough battle or two. But besides personal bias, he's a stupid, ugly, googly-eyed, waste of time that deserves all of the scorn heaped upon him and more. This Pokemon should not, and will not, be in my party ever! UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH.
My White Nuzlocke came down to me and Stunfisk. I chose suicide.
He may not be the most hated of all Pokemon, or even the weakest, but Magmortar represents the one thing I hate most about Pokemon evolutions; screwing with a good design. Usually when a Pokemon evolves, it gets a cooler design and makes you even more grateful to have that Pokemon. Scyther becomes Scizor, Shinx becomes Luxray, Sealo becomes Walrein, you get the idea. When Magmar evolves into Magmortar though, all of the coolness that Magmar had was just thrown out the window. Magmortar is a fat, glowering version of Magmar that not only is stupid looking, but he's a hassle to get. In order to get a Magmortar, you need to get a specific evolution item, one that is usually gotten post game in the 4th Gen, and then traded when a Magmar is holding it. There's so much that goes into making a Magmortar that it's just not worth it. What's worse is that Magmortar looks like if Magmar let himself go and decided to become fat and lazy after being one of the most badass fire Pokemon ever. However, Magmortar also represents the idea of going back and adding an extra evolution to previous Pokemon, a practice that exploded in, you guessed it, the 4th Gen. I could essentially make this spot dedicated to Tangrowth, Rhyperior, Lickilicky, Electrive, Yanmega, Porygon-Z, and Probopass, but that would just be cheap. All of the them are unnecessary and inferior evolutions that ruin the evolution branch of their Pokemon species. They didn't need to have an extra evolution, but we made them evolve anyway because we needed more new Pokemon. I can forgive Mega Evolutions for adding new types to previous Pokemon and adding more strategy to battle, but I can't forgive unnecessary designs like these, with Magmortar being the prime offender. Screw. Magmortar. Hard.